Murphy’s law, NS edition

This list will be periodically updated, suggestions are welcome.

Small 2LT update:

• Every time you are told to conduct something it is 1 week away.
• Someone deleted the file you were working on. Someone also deleted the master nominal roll. And then they restarted your device. And then they disabled your ethernet.
• The fire alarm rings if and only if you are on duty. Also someone will call at 3am.
• Your medic is late. His thermometer has no battery.
• A vehicle breaks down right before you move off.
• Someone stole your training area.
• It’s periodically 15 min Cat 1 and 15 min Code Cut-off, until the end of the day.
• Someone mans down only when you’re the Safety Officer.
• Someone NDs.
• Exactly when you are most busy, there will be infinite side quests coming your way.
• Your training area is on fire. True story.
• Someone needs to be sent out at 2am.

Original:

• The next timing is when you just started showering.
• The only time you use your phone past lights out is also the only time your commanders check.
• You always have a smart 4 ready, except for that one time when you really need it.
• The bus is late.
• The cookhouse queue is completely empty until 1 minute before you reach, which is when everyone in a 1km radius arrives for food.
• There’s a 100% chance you get outrations when there’s ice cream.
• If there are 2 meal options and one is significantly better, it will run out exactly when you are about to take your food, and you will be at the end of the other queue.
• Every day is a good day to run. Every day but IPPT day, where you will experience the worst stomach cramps imaginable. Oh, and you have a flu too.
• If there’s combat circuit, there will be a thunderstorm of unimaginable proportions that ends exactly one hour before, and you will leopard crawl in ankle deep mud under the sweltering 34°C sun.
• Outfield won’t end until someone has lost their magazine in the thickest undergrowth possible.
• The trees will grow their sturdiest roots exactly at where your shellscrape is. You sleep next to the latrine. You sleep on a slope with a 15 degree incline. You sleep on an anthill. Monkeys took your rations. Someone peed next to your groundsheet.
• Your combat rations never contain pasta. It’s always potato chowder.
• Your torchlight has filters for every colour of the rainbow. Except red.
• Your water bag will burst. Your camo will explode. Your earmuffs will break. You got heat rash.
• The bus is late again.
• You live on the top floor.
• You will forget to delete one in-camp photo.
• Your bedsheet is stained.
• Your rifle always IAs. It is also the dirtiest rifle in the whole company.
• You get posted to the camp furthest from your house.
• Dinner is always indented on Friday. In fact, every day is a chill day except bookout day, in which you complete every major activity for the week and you bookout past 8.
• The bus is late. Again.